Long time ago I wanted to fly a spaceship. I imagined myself going from planet to planet in some crazy adventure. But that was before I tried the now very apparently old chinese food from the fridge in the house I broke into.
Admittedly not the smartest deed I have ever performed, the food instantly gave me cramps and then I died.
At least I think I died because the next thing I remember is nothing, and then there were angels eating that old chinese food from that fridge in the house I broke into and praising it, and I was lying on the floor and had cramps and couldn’t move. They were angels because of the white swan wings they had on their backs, but then I realised that they were swans, not angels. But swans don’t talk and they were talking, so they had to be angels and I had to be dead.
I don’t know how much you know about life after death but for me personally this was a first. The angels said that I’m welcome back and I said I haven’t been here before and they said of course not, but then that I have and that I apparently don’t like the earthly existence at all.
They said this is like the billionth time I’ve died from food poisoning. And one angel said that flying in vacuum doesn’t count as food poisoning so it has to be the billionth time minus one. I told them that long time ago I had wanted to fly a spaceship and they told me that I’ve been wanting that even longer than I could remember. And it is true that I can’t remember anything but the fact that I broke into a house and I opened the fridge and I ate from that chinese food pot and then I had cramps and then died. I don’t remember dying though. So all that minus dying.
They said that the problem is that I have a bad save file as I have saved right before eating from the fridge but not remembering to not eat from the fridge so apparently I’m stuck in a bad-food-eating loop and every time I am loaded back in I instantly forget what I learned in the future so it’s quite hopeless really. And it did feel like I have had hundreds of helpings of the bad chinese food and I asked them how come the food did not smell or look old at all, and the angels said that that’s because it wasn’t programmed to do that and that it is a bug but nobody has time to fix it because I’m looping all the time and the code can be edited only while I’m running it and that I will have to be patient.
I asked if they could maybe move the fridge but then angels asked me who do I think they are and flapped their swan wings and I can’t really imagine swans moving fridges so that was in the end alright with me.
Whenever you ready, they said to me and I was still lying on the floor and having cramps but I think I had accepted the inevitability of it all so it didn’t feel as bad anymore.
We will get you soon, we promise, the angel swans said and I believed them.
Long time ago I wanted to fly a spaceship.