Aah, ha ha ha ha ha! I see it in your blinking eyes! The thought about what will happen to you next! How will my diabolical plans unfold now that you have been caught in my elaborate trap!

And no other plans they could be, it is clear, if not by the cave we are in, then by my dark, gleaming eyes, my beautiful, twisted grin, my perfectly shaped goatee, the black turtleneck shirt I’m wearing, and of course, my perfectly british accent!

And how will I magnificently destroy the world with my brilliant doomsday device, you must be thinking! Your ears just perked up – you didn’t know what you were looking at, did you? You did not even think that the innocuously gigantic machine, placed right in front of your thick rope tied to the chair self, would be the very one that would bring the end to the universe! Aah, ha ha ha ha ha! And so it will, indeed! It is just one of my numerous magnificent inventions! But let me push you closer.

What’s this? Are those squirrels in there? Or are they otters? Hamsters, maybe, or prairie dogs? You wonder now if you should have listened during those seventh grade biology lessons. But instead you were drooling on desk, fast asleep. I’m good at reading people! And the big dial? Which one of them all? Let’s try this one! Aah, ha ha ha ha!

Can you feel the static electricity filling the air? Your hair, rising up? Feeling like a dried out dandelion now, aren’t you! If you would stop mumbling for a second you would hear the humm of the machine! And what about the toaster looking thing attached to it? Aah, ha ha ha ha! It is a toaster! We villains like our bread burnt crisp to the coal! It’s good for the digestion.